im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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