i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
