Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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