Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
