I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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