i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
