I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
And then he peed in my hair
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