Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize