I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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