My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
