grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
