I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
