I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
