i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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