I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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