i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
farters have to be the big spoon...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
