hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
