This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
