I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
