I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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