still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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