Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
