almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
