i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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