you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He is an equal opportunity slut.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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