And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How naked do you want me to be?
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