my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
