you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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