youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
