I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
