I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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