my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize