Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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