I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
