No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
