I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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