they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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