I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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