This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He shit in the fireplace
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
