i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
