3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
