I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
