i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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