He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
