There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
