lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
