Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
