youre lurking in front of me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I looked at my own cervix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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