Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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