3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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