I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
