I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
