all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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