You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
