About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
