she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
