You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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