you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
