Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
