I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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