I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
