6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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