i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
