Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
