it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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