She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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