How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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