piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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