Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
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I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pants are for mortals
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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