he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
