nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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