I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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