i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
