Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my liver is dry heaving
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
